How Hard Is It To Find The Perfect Wife


Proverbs 31:10, 27-28 (New Living Translation)

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Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.

How hard it is to find the perfect wife.She is worth far more than jewels.

We know the perfect wife by her beauty inside for she will be more beautiful than and jewels or diamonds

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies… She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Proverbs 31:10 27-28

Thoughts on Today’s Verse…

Give honor to whom honor is due! This biblical principle is most certainly true of women, and especially those who are godly mothers. Let’s make sure we praise the key women in our lives today!

My Prayer…

Father, I want to thank you for the women of character and grace, tenderness and fire, love and tenacity, who have helped shape my life in a way which helped me find, follow, and faithfully serve you. Please bless them this day. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayer on Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to

Today’s Verse Illustrated

What Does Proverbs 31:10 Mean? ►

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

Proverbs 31:10(NASB)

Verse Thoughts

Following the godly advice from his mother of the dangers of wayward women and strong drink and reminding her son of his responsibilities to champion the cause of justice and commit his ways to the Lord, we discover king Lemuel, which means “devoted to God,’ offering grateful praise for the wisdom and virtue his mother, in a passage of scripture that all women of God would be pleased to emulate.

He starts his praise of godly womanhood with the much-quoted verse of scripture: Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. and then he proceeds to list the noble attributes and worthy characteristics of the ideal woman of God.

She is capable and intelligent; she gives comforts and encouragement and she is applauded by her husband and children for her wisdom and honesty – her gentleness and mercy. She is thrifty and industrious; prudent and self-controlled, generous and creative.. and she is clothed with dignity and strength, integrity and kindness – goodness and grace.

Although the question is still on the lips of many today: Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. the answer is found at the end of the book of Proverbs: a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom we are told at the beginning of Proverbs, while at the end we discover that the attributes and characteristics of the wise woman are summed up in a few short verses which climaxes with the short statement: a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

The godly attributes of this virtuous lady are unattainable in our own strength, for the works of the flesh, whether good or bad are rooted in the fruit of the old sin nature and are unacceptable to the Lord. But she who desires to be holy and virtuous, gracious and good can only achieve this spiritual fruit through the power of the indwelling life of Christ.

The fear of the Lord is rooted in dependency upon Christ to work His work through us. The fruit of the Spirit can only be produced in the one who trusts in the Lord with all her heart, does not lean on her own understanding. The beginning of wisdom and the fruit of virtue and can be discovered in the one who presents her body as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto the Lord.

Who can find a virtuous woman? Well, she can only be found in the one where Christ is all in all.


Becoming A Proverbs 31 Woman In Today’s World

What’s all the hype about becoming a Proverbs 31 woman? How do you become a virtuous woman? This guide walks you through the journey of being a Proverbs woman.

June Cleaver was no more the Proverbs 31 woman than Pocahontas was.

That’s because it doesn’t matter if you’re a stay at home wife and mom with a well kept home or woman with big dreams who is willing to chase them across an ocean…or if you’re a woman in a village in the jungle.

A Proverbs woman is so much (and thankfully so much less!) than we think.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman has very little to do with the life you choose and everything to do with the heart attitude with which you make that choice.

The secret lies in the end of the chapter, but let’s go through Proverbs 31 verse by verse to understand better.

What Is A Proverbs 31 Woman?

What is a Proverbs 31 woman, anyhow?

In recent years, she’s been touted as the woman who does it all: runs a thriving business from home, parents her kids, keeps up with their schooling, and has a very satisfied husband to boot.

A decade or so ago, she was often described as the woman who baked bread (very possibly with her freshly milled flour!), had a clean home, raised kids familiar with chore charts, and her husband was blessed by a hot meal each night.

Go back another generation or two and you’ll find women who describe her as growing and canning food for lean times, patching up clothes so as not to be wasteful, and hanging clothes on the line while she sang.

But here’s the thing: Scripture doesn’t change just because the times do. And while this iconic passage of Scripture does dive into the activities of the virtuous woman, its focus isn’t so much on what the Proverbs woman did, but who she was.

Lisa Yvonne, Graceful Abandon

Those virtues are timeless and will manifest differently, not just based on the current culture of the day, but on the individual through whom they come to life. And that’s okay.

Let’s agree, going in, that we’re not going to get hung on the behavior, but focus on the heart. After all, Christ came to give you an easy burden and rest, not leave you striving until you pass out exhausted.

What Is Becoming A Proverbs 31 Woman Today All About?

It’s important to realize that becoming a Proverbs 31 woman isn’t the lie that has been sold for so long that you need to strive to be excellent at all things homemaking.

The truth is that it’s about embracing God’s grace, bearing God’s image, and fulfilling God’s call on your life. The Proverbs 31 woman shines Jesus brightly.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is not a matter of checking off a list of accomplishments to attain the perfection of the virtuous woman in the Bible. Rather, it is studying the virtues described and living a life where they are evident. The real Proverbs woman is one of virtue and character.

It’s not at all about doing and it’s everything about becoming. And this becoming is through God’s grace, not exhausting yourself through striving. That’s why it’s important to do a Bible study on Proverbs 31 and sink into God’s Word on the subject.

Proverbs 31:10 (ESV) says: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”

The immense value placed on a virtuous woman is unmistakable; those who read the Bible and take away that woman aren’t appreciated have clearly missed this verse. The Proverbs woman was treasured.

Related: Proverbs 31 Woman Bible Study

The Proverbs 31 Passage

10 An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
    and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
    and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[e] with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
    and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[f]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
    her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:10-31, ESV

The Virtuous Woman Explained (With A Healthy Dose Of Grace!): Becoming A Proverbs 31 Woman

As you can see, King Lemuel’s mother was very detailed in describing the ideal wife for her son…and in teaching him how to appreciate what a blessing she is!

As we examine the virtues Lemuel’s mother prizes and encourages her son to seek in his helpmeet, let’s remember one thing: this isn’t a to-do list.

These virtues are the fruit of a virtuous heart that loves her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, not actions that determine worth.

None of these virtues is something to chase after in and of themselves, dear one; the Proverbs woman pursues God and these virtues naturally blossom in her life as a result of that.

This woman is not one who strives to please her husband (or her virtue-listing-mother-in-law come to that!), but please God. And that is what makes her such a blessing to her marriage and her family!

It is her passionate pursuit of Jesus and the intimate relationship she enjoys with Him that makes turns an average lady into a modern-day virtuous woman whose worth is far above rubies.

1. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Trustworthy

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain. ~Proverbs 31:11

What does it mean for your husband’s heart to find you trustworthy?

It means he can put faith in your judgment. He can trust you to make wise choices and to behave with wisdom. And the result is that “he will have no lack of gain.”

Peace at home gives a man the security to be his best at work, as well. It also strengthens his heart to know he isn’t fighting battles alone, but that his wife is praying for him and encouraging him. You are his biggest cheerleader, and your opinion means more than anyone else’s!

The fact that he trusts you with his heart means you are prudent and worthy of his trust as a partner, as his helpmeet, as a mother, and as manager of your home.

His confidence in you extends to his emotions, too, since his heart and not just his mind trusts you. He knows you support him and will build him up.

Do you do that? Do you strive to bless him and encourage him and hold his heart gently and safely?

Let’s take it one step further. Let me encourage you to be aware of your interactions with other men and to guard your marriage by keeping those communications and relationships at arm’s length.

This will also help your husband to be secure in your marriage and it will knit your heart closer to his by removing temptation. This is the beauty of cleaving to your spouse and the two becoming one.

2. The Proverbs 31 Woman is a Blessing to her Husband

She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land. 
~Proverbs 31:12, 23

The godly woman described to the wise king by his mother is an asset to her husband. She enhances his life and does good things for him.

Can he trust you not to complain about him or expose his weaknesses to others, but rather build him up?

Are you, like the Proverbs woman, doing good things for him?

It’s also worth noting that she does them all the days of her life.

That means that she does this day in and day out; she doesn’t just do something nice for him on his birthday or for a special occasion. Rather, her life is spent as his helpmeet.

Not only that, the things that she does bless him and contribute to his reputation.

Other men admire a man who has a wife that supports him and manages his household well; don’t you want to add to your husband’s esteem in the eyes of others? I know I do!

Today’s Proverbs woman is one who speaks well of her man, who increases his influence and helps him. She doesn’t compete with him or tear him down over coffee with her girlfriends.

3. The Proverbs 31 Woman is an Eager Worker

…[she] works with willing hands. ~Proverbs 31:13

The entire passage describes the hard-working ethic of the ideal woman, but it is particularly detailed in verses 13, 19, and 27.

Above and beyond her hard-work, however, is her eagerness to work; theProverbs 31 woman isn’t lazy.

Are you eager to work? Do you wake up ready, with a happy heart, to do the things your husband and children need from you? If you have a job or are self-employed, do you do that work with the joy that you ought?

Willing hands bring to mind a woman preparing dinner with a smile while talking to her children or cleaning her home while she sings along with the radio.

She is doing what needs to be done with a heart for her family instead of complaining.

This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a day at home in your yoga pants with a giant cup of coffee and a good book, but it does mean you get what needs done accomplished first.

4. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Resourceful

She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar. ~Proverbs 31:14

This is not a woman who grew all of her food in her yard or made it all from scratch, contrary to what some people believe. Rather, the Proverbs woman is resourceful and knows how to get what she needs and bring it into her home.

Are you resourceful? Sometimes that simply means going to different grocery stores. Other times it means knowing where to look for what your family needs.

That can be the thrift store, a certain food market, trading with a neighbor, making it from scratch, or using Amazon Prime to have it mailed to you in two days.

Knowing how to be a Proverbs 31 woman today doesn’t mean you have to homestead or be a minimalist or any other trend; it means you love Jesus and you walk out the life He has called you to.

Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s.

5. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Motivated

She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens. ~Proverbs 31:15

When describing the ideal woman to her son, Wise Mama wanted him to know that a self-motivated woman was a blessing.

You see clearly that she has servants (her maidens), and yet she is still motivated to wake in the wee hours and get up before them.

That means waking up before them, ready to bless them so that you aren’t instead waking up to the chaos of a busy household and getting frustrated.

And when you wake up, it’s not just for quiet time but also for your family.

It’s time to wake up, ready  for your children instead of to their chaos. What a beautiful distinction, isn’t it?

Some women are night owls and their families sleep in; I believe this speaks less of a time on the clock and more to a principle, so don’t lose sight of the grace God is giving you to be virtuous if you’re a night owl.

Just ask Him to show you how that looks in your life and home.

As an aside, if you don’t know how to fit in Quiet Time when you have a not-so-quiet life, read about How To Have Quiet Time When You Have Kids for some beautiful and simple suggestions to make it happen.

6. The Proverbs 31 Woman is a Good Steward

She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. ~Proverbs 31:16

A lot of folks harp on the fact that this woman considers a field and buys it. Some deduce that she even buys it with her own coins that she’s earned from other ventures.

However, there’s another gem in here for you: she uses the fruit of her hands to plant a vineyard.

This woman doesn’t just acquire things; she utilizes them.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman today means becoming a good steward of what you have. It means doing the hard work to reap a harvest (Galatians 6:9 talks about this, too, and it applies to parenting as well as practical issues).

It also means investing your time into work that bears fruit.

This is practical work as well as the intangible work of motherhood and building a strong marriage. She lived a fruitful life!

7. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Industrious

She dresses herself with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
~Proverbs 31:17-18, 27

Aren’t you beginning to admire the way this woman operates? If we are careful not to get lost in the comparison game, it’s easy to appreciate her virtues.

Even more so, to realize that they are all ones we can both aspire to and attain with prayer, grace, and a little bit of intentional purpose.

This Proverbs 31 woman so admired by Wise Mama is strong and healthy from hard work.

She knows the value that she brings to her household. She works until the job is done. Even at night, her home is a safe haven.

No matter what you do, you can do it well with the diligence of this ideal woman. You can work hard, take care of yourself, and add to your family’s well being through your efforts.

You can keep the home fires burning, as it were, by creating a home your family enjoys being in.

Let’s take note that while she wasn’t lazy, we can also deduce that she would have been expected to rest.

The king’s Wise Mama would only be describing a devout woman of faith, and Jewish law demanded that she honor the Sabbath each week.

God’s plan is never for His children to strive themselves into exhaustion or to work for their salvation.

Related: Sabbath Rest Truths

8. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Generous

She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy. ~Proverbs 31:20

Do you take the time to reach out to those around you in need?

That is another desirable trait in a virtuous woman and one that can most definitely be a part of your life with some purposeful action.

The Proverbs 31 woman is aware of those around her and what they need, and she doesn’t distance herself from them. Instead, she reaches out to them.

Perhaps that means having someone over for dinner with your family or dropping off groceries for someone you know that is having a rough month. Maybe it’s driving someone without a car to work or the doctor’s office. Perhaps it means volunteering somewhere.

No matter what you do, you’re doing it for God’s glory and He will bless those efforts.

9. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Well Prepared

She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
~Proverbs 31:21, 25

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman means thinking ahead and having plans. This is one of the many reasons her husband can trust her (see #1).

This means that you know what you’re feeding your family, clothing them with, and have a course of action for times of stress. When it’s cold, you’ve got coats on hand as the proverb says.

Consider that you know what to do when a child gets sick and has to miss school or what to make for dinner if you have unexpected company.

Being prepared allows you not to fear the future, and your inner peace contributes to the overall peace of your husband and children. How blessed they are when their mother has made them feel secure and they have no need to worry.

You are prepared, my sweet friend, and your family is blessed because of it!

10. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Business Savvy

She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant. ~Proverbs 31:24

The Proverbs 31 businesswoman is certainly diligent as a homemaker, but she also has industries beyond the four walls of her home.

She adds to the family’s wealth by using her talents.

If you have a marketable skill, don’t be afraid to use it! God Himself gifted you with your talents and abilities and using them for His glory and to bless your husband and children is not a sin.

Yes, we are to be keepers of our homes, but there is also a season where we expand beyond that. It is obvious that this woman of virtue prioritized her marriage, her children, and her household. However, she was also a businesswoman.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman means both honoring your priorities and utilizing your abilities.

11. The Proverbs 31 Woman is Strong & Dignified

Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
~Proverbs 31:25

A strong woman is one that doesn’t buckle under stress and isn’t ruled by her emotions. She isn’t always fearless, but she has courage.

She isn’t afraid of the future because (a) she knows she has done all she can to prepare for it and (b) she is godly and knows who her God is and that He is trustworthy.

She is dignified, which means she carries herself well and receives respect from those around her because she has earned it.

I imagine this to mean that she isn’t prone to gossip or unwise venting of her emotions, as that is undignified. She understands the value of self-control and could also be described as meek.

The best definition I ever heard of meekness is “restrained power;” it is when a strong person chooses restraint because it is the wiser course of action, not the easiest course of action. Strength and dignity.

Also…Wise Mama isn’t harping on her future daughter-in-law’s clothing, just her virtues. She knows what matters!

Related: 6 Things Wise Women Know About Modesty

12. The Proverbs 31 Woman Watches Her Words

She opens her mouth with wisdom
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
~Proverbs 31:26

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman means learning when to speak and when to remain silent. The choice is made with wisdom, not emotions.

Proverbs 17:27 says that restraining your words is a mark of wisdom.

In Psalm 141:3, the psalmist prays for God to put a guard over his mouth.

James 3 talks about the danger of the tongue that runs unbridled. And there are so many more verses.

When you use your words, you are either building someone up or tearing them down. Are the things leaving your mouth encouraging your husband? Building up the hearts of your children? Spurring your friends toward Jesus?

If so, then you are speaking with wisdom, my sweet friend!

Likewise, recognizing when the emotions in you are threatening to erupt out through your words and holding it back is just as wise. You can do this, my friend!

Are you teaching those around you with kindness? This is part of becoming a Proverbs 31 woman.

In my experience, this gets easier the closer you get to God. After all, the more you love God the more you’ll love people because His heart is for people.

And it starts at home.

When you speak to your husband about something that bothers you, are your words ruled by wisdom and restrained by kindness? When you correct your children, are you encouraging them toward godliness or guilting them toward shame?

Words can mold hearts or destroy them; the Proverbs woman uses this power carefully. A wise woman also knows when to be silent.

Why Be A Proverbs 31 Woman?

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.
~Proverbs 31:28-31

The virtuous woman is an ideal that the king’s Wise Mama told him about; in fact she wrote him a Proverbs 31 woman poem so he wouldn’t forget her teachings.

But guess what? It wasn’t ever meant to be one woman all at once.

While it’s not a wholly impossible checklist of virtues for you to aspire to, it also wasn’t intended to become one (so don’t turn it into a report card, okay?).

It is a summary of virtues that a woman who loves God will bear as fruit in her life as she matures in Him. 

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is a journey that you walk every day.

The Proverbs 31 Wife

The king’s mother knew how important the role of a wife is in a man’s life.

She wanted him to marry a woman whose children would be happy that she is their mama. Her desire was for her son to be able to show off his wife and be proud of her.

Wise Mama was also reminding her son not to be distracted by charm or fleeting beauty, but rather to seek a woman who fears God.

She longed for him to marry a woman he could admire, trust, and praise.

When you exhibit these Proverbs 31 virtues in your life, it is very likely that your husband and children will have hearts that are thankful for you and adore you.

Becoming A Proverbs 31 Woman is a Journey

Don’t feel overwhelmed when you read all about how to be a Proverbs 31 woman. After all, becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is a journey.

As you grow in the Lord you will become more and more of an image bearer for Him.

Don’t let this passage make you feel inadequate, but rather recognize the principles set forth in it and know that there is grace from God to help you live them.

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is about knowing God more and living in His grace. Isn’t it a relief to know that being a virtuous woman isn’t about trying to be someone you’re not and instead about loving Jesus with your whole heart and life?

How To Apply Proverbs 31 To Your Life

1. Pray and ask God to help you

2. Focus on His grace equipping you and not trying earn God’s favor

3. Dig deeper into these virtues and study them

4. (Optional) Jump into the Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman 4-week Scripture Writing Study devotional

5. For further study, check out these 9 Myths Surrounding The Proverbs 31 Woman

Commentary on Proverbs 31:10-31

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Brent A. Strawn


Proverbs 31:10-31 is the famous poem celebrating the “capable wife.”

It is often cited in praise of wives and mothers, and is among the most popular and familiar texts from Proverbs. Of course, “popular” and “familiar” does not necessarily mean “clear” and “without interpretive difficulties”” One of these difficulties, to be sure, is that Proverbs is a patriarchal text and chapter 31 is certainly no exception. Preachers might appropriately worry that 31:10-31 is a masculine commendation of women and “woman’s work.” Such a concern is not unfounded.

Verse 10, for instance, seems to begin oddly and ambiguously, if only because it apparently suggests that a capable wife is hard to find and yet the poem immediately proceeds to praise one. This one (woman), that is, may be the “ideal” that one (man) cannot find. But even if she is difficult to find, it’s no wonder why: she’s working hard! And working hard everywhere (verses 14, 16), on everything (verses 15a, 16, 18a, 19, 24a), for everybody (verses 12, 15b, 20, 21b, 24b, 27a) — from dawn (verse 15a) to dusk (verse 18b) no less! Again, preachers might well worry that 31:10-31 depicts an idealized woman only from a patriarchal perspective.

These concerns are real, but there is more to say about the passage. And yet, while there is more to say, that should not undercut the preceding concerns. Some churchgoers will also worry about 31:10-31; others will not. Some will know they should worry; others will refuse to worry. Part of the preaching task, at least according to Emerson, is “to convert life into truth… life passed through the fire of thought.”1  Part of the truth about life is the patriarchy of the ancient world — including the biblical world. Part of passing that life through the fire of thought is to think critically and theologically about such patriarchy, including such patriarchy in the biblical world. Such a task is not restricted to the clergy in seminary classrooms, but is one for the priesthood of all believers, whether male or female, if they are to be thoughtful and faithful Christians in the contemporary world.

Passing the life of the biblical world through the fire of homiletical thought reveals more, however, than just worries about patriarchy in Proverbs 31:10-31. In fact, close attention to the biblical world and the specific wor(l)d of Proverbs reveals two important things about the “ode to the capable wife.”

1. Not all of the hard work of this hardworking woman is adequately or accurately described as “woman’s work” — not now and certainly not in the patriarchal world of antiquity. The wife in Proverbs 31 is not in the kitchen scrubbing dishes and biting her tongue! While she clearly takes care of her husband (verses 11-12) and household (verses 15, 21, 27) and excels at domestic activities (verses 13, 15, 19, 22) she is quite active outside the home as well. She is a successful businesswoman, considering a field and buying it (verse 16a), and is a viticulturist to boot (verse 16b). She is an entrepreneur who works late into the evening (verse 18), who plans ahead (verse 21), and who is not idle (verse 27). She knows how to dress for success (verse 22) and how to sell goods for a profit (verse 24). Her work compares favorably to merchant marines (verse14), and one suspects that the reason her husband is well known (verse 23) is because of her, not vice versa!

Indeed, the sentiments of verse 17 and verse 25 go far beyond both home and market: they are worthy of the mightiest of warriors (cf. Psalm 77:15; 83:8; Ezekiel 30:22; Nahum 2:1). It should come as no surprise, then, that the word “capable” (ayil) in verse 10 is the same word translated “strength” in 31:10 and “excellently” in 31:29. All three translations are apropos for this most amazing woman.

But this woman does more than simply succeed in business or at domestic duties. She is no uncaring tycoon: instead, she “opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy” (verse 20; in Hebrew, the last phrase is the same used in verse 19a, thereby linking her provision for the poor to her other skills). This woman is also far from silent. She speaks with wisdom and the “teaching of kindness” (literally, the torah of hesed) is on her tongue (verse 26). Her strength, that is, appears to be as much moral as it is physical (cf. 8:14).

2. The last observation leads directly to the second important item. Within the world of Proverbs, the capable wife looks quite a bit like Woman Wisdom. She, too, is strong (compare 8:14 with 31:17, 25) and opens her mouth with wisdom (1:20-21, 24; cf. 31:26). She, too, “laughs at the time to come” (31:25; cf. 1:26). Indeed, the opening nine chapters of Proverbs present the student of wisdom as a son, listening to the instructions of his father (1:8; 2:1; etc.). Peppered throughout are speeches by Woman Wisdom (e.g., 1:20-33) who is to be desired rather than the temptations presented by the Strange Woman/Dame Folly (see 2:16-19; 7:10-20; 9:13-18).

Although it is not a narrative, one can “read” the rest of Proverbs as a story about this child who has been instructed at home by his parents about the ways of wisdom and folly. Proverbs 31:10-31 see this child out into the “real world,” far from home, and into all kinds of areas and subjects, without giving up on the quest for wisdom. In such a “story,” 31:10-31 can be seen as a picture of the child of chapters 1-9 back home, all grown up and “done good.” Most (!) important among the good and wise things he has done is “marry up.” His wife bears striking resemblance to the earlier depictions of Woman Wisdom; she incarnates, as it were, Wisdom. The son of Proverbs 1-9 has learned well and has chosen wisely.

The connections between the capable wife and Woman Wisdom might suggest another explanation for the picture in 31:10-31: that portrait may be a sapiential and mythological ideal as much as a patriarchal one. That is, this is no “real” woman, but Woman Wisdom. Only she could possibly work that hard!

1Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Divinity School Address (1838)”; accessed May 27, 2009).

About the Author

<img src=”; alt=”Brent A. Strawn”/>

Brent A. Strawn

Professor of Old Testament; Professor of Law

Duke University Divinity School

Durham, North Carolina

Matthew Henry :: Commentary on Proverbs 31

Chapter 31

This chapter is added to Solomon’s proverbs, some think because it is of the same author, supposing king Lemuel to be king Solomon; others only because it is of the same nature, though left in writing by another author, called Lemuel; however it be, it is a prophecy, and therefore given by inspiration and direction of God, which Lemuel was under in the writing of it, and putting it into this form, as his mother was in dictating to him the matter of it. Here is,

• I. An exhortation to Lemuel, a young prince, to take heed of the sins he would be tempted to and to do the duties of the place he was called to (v. 1-9).

• II. The description of a virtuous woman, especially in the relation of a wife and the mistress of a family, which Lemuel’s mother drew up, not as an encomium of herself, though, no doubt, it was her own true picture, but either as an instruction to her daughters, as the foregoing verses were to her son, or as a direction to her son in the choice of a wife; she must be chaste and modest, diligent and frugal, dutiful to her husband, careful of her family, discreet in her discourse, and in the education of her children, and, above all, conscientious in her duty to God: such a one as this, if he can find her, will make him happy (v. 10-31).

Pro 31:1-9

Most interpreters are of opinion that Lemuel is Solomon; the name signifies one that is for God, or devoted to God; and so it agrees well enough with that honourable name which, by divine appointment, was given to Solomon (2 Sa. 12:25), Jedediah-beloved of the Lord. Lemuel is supposed to be a pretty, fond, endearing name, by which his mother used to call him; and so much did he value himself upon the interest he had in his mother’s affections that he was not ashamed to call himself by it. One would the rather incline to think it is Solomon that here tells us what his mother taught him because he tells us (ch. 4:4) what his father taught him. But some think (and the conjecture is not improbable) that Lemuel was a prince of some neighbouring country, whose mother was a daughter of Israel, perhaps of the house of David, and taught him these good lessons. Note,

• 1. It is the duty of mothers, as well as fathers, to teach their children what is good, that they may do it, and what is evil, that they may avoid it; when they are young and tender they are most under the mother’s eye, and she has then an opportunity of moulding and fashioning their minds well, which she ought not to let slip.

• 2. Even kings must be catechised; the greatest of men is less than the least of the ordinances of God.

• 3. Those that have grown up to maturity should often call to mind, and make mention of, the good instructions they received when they were children, for their own admonition, the edification of others, and the honour of those who were the guides of their youth.

Now, in this mother’s (this queen mother’s) catechism, observe,

• I. Her expostulation with the young prince, by which she lays hold of him, claims an interest in him, and awakens his attention to what she is about to say (v. 2): “What! my son? What shall I say to thee?” She speaks as one considering what advice to give him, and choosing out words to reason with him; so full of concern is she for his welfare! Or, What is it that thou doest? It seems to be a chiding question. She observed, when he was young, that he was too much inclined to women and wine, and therefore she found it necessary to take him to task and deal roundly with him. “What! my son? Is this the course of life thou intendest to lead? Have I taught thee no better than thus? I must reprove thee, and reprove thee sharply, and thou must take it well, for,”

• 1. “Thou art descended from me; thou art the son of my womb, and therefore what I say comes from the authority and affection of a parent and cannot be suspected to come from any ill-will. Thou art a piece of myself. I bore thee with sorrow, and I expect no other return for all the pains I have taken with thee, and undergone for thee, than this, Be wise and good, and then I am well paid.”

• 2. “Thou art devoted to my God; thou art the son of my vows, the son I prayed to God to give me and promised to give back to God, and did so” (thus Samuel was the son of Hannah’s vows); “Thou art the son I have often prayed to God to give his grace to (Ps. 72:1), and shall a child of so many prayers miscarry? And shall all my hopes concerning thee be disappointed?” Our children that by baptism are dedicated to God, for whom and in whose name we covenanted with God, may well be called the children of our vows; and, as this may be made a good plea with God in our prayers for them, so it may be made a good plea with them in the instructions we give them; we may tell them they are baptized, are the children of our vows, and it is at their peril if they break those bonds in sunder which in their infancy they were solemnly brought under.

• II. The caution she gives him against those two destroying sins of uncleanness and drunkenness, which, if he allowed himself in them, would certainly be his ruin.

• 1. Against uncleanness (v. 3): Give not thy strength unto women, unto strange women. He must not be soft and effeminate, nor spend that time in a vain conversation with the ladies which should be spent in getting knowledge and despatching business, nor employ that wit (which is the strength of the soul) in courting and complimenting them which he should employ about the affairs of his government. “Especially shun all adultery, fornication, and lasciviousness, which waste the strength of the body, and bring into it dangerous diseases. Give not thy ways, thy affections, thy conversation, to that which destroys kings, which has destroyed many, which gave such a shock to the kingdom even of David himself, in the matter of Uriah. Let the sufferings of others be thy warnings.” It lessens the honour of kings and makes them mean. Are those fit to govern others that are themselves slaves to their own lusts? It makes them unfit for business, and fills their court with the basest and worst of animals. Kings lie exposed to temptations of this kind, having wherewith both to please the humours and to bear the charges of the sin, and therefore they ought to double their guard; and, if they would preserve their people from the unclean spirit, they must themselves be patterns of purity. Meaner people may also apply it to themselves. Let none give their strength to that which destroys souls.

• 2. Against drunkenness, v. 4, 5. He must not drink wine or strong drink to excess; he must never sit to drink, as they used to do in the day of their king, when the princes made him sick with bottles of wine, Hos. 7:7. Whatever temptation he might be in from the excellency of the wine, or the charms of the company, he must deny himself, and be strictly sober, considering,

• (1.) The indecency of drunkenness in a king. However some may call it a fashionable accomplishment and entertainment, it is not for kings, O Lemuel! it is not for kings, to allow themselves that liberty; it is a disparagement to their dignity, and profanes their crown, by confusing the head that wears it; that which for the time unmans them does for the time unking them. Shall we say, They are gods? No, they are worse than the beasts that perish. All Christians are made to our God kings and priests, and must apply this to themselves. It is not for Christians, it is not for Christians, to drink to excess; they debase themselves if they do; it ill becomes the heirs of the kingdom and the spiritual priests, Lev. 10:9.

• (2.) The ill consequences of it (v. 5): Lest they drink away their understandings and memories, drink and forget the law by which they are to govern; and so, instead of doing good with their power, do hurt with it, and pervert or alter the judgment of all the sons of affliction, and, when they should right them, wrong them, and add to their affliction. It is a sad complaint which is made of the priests and prophets (Isa. 28:7), that they have erred through wine, and through strong drink they are out of the way; and the effect is as bad in kings, who when they are drunk, or intoxicated with the love of wine, cannot but stumble in judgment. Judges must have clear heads, which those cannot have who so often make themselves giddy, and incapacitate themselves to judge of the most common things.

• III. The counsel she gives him to do good.

• 1. He must do good with his wealth. Great men must not think that they have their abundance only that out of it they may made provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts of it, and may the more freely indulge their own genius; no, but that with it they may relieve such as are in distress, v. 6, 7. “Thou hast wine or strong drink at command; instead of doing thyself hurt with it, do others good with it; let those have it that need it.” Those that have wherewithal must not only give bread to the hungry and water to the thirsty, but they must give strong drink to him that is ready to perish through sickness or pain and wine to those that are melancholy and of heavy heart; for it was appointed to cheer and revive the spirits, and make glad the heart (as it does where there is need of it), not to burden and oppress the spirits, as it does where there is no need of it. We must deny ourselves in the gratifications of sense, that we may have to spare for the relief of the miseries of others, and be glad to see our superfluities and dainties better bestowed upon those whom they will be a real kindness to than upon ourselves whom they will be a real injury to. Let those that are ready to perish drink soberly, and it will be a means so to revive their drooping spirits that they will forget their poverty for the time and remember their misery no more, and so they will be the better able to bear it. The Jews say that upon this was grounded the practice of giving a stupifying drink to condemned prisoners when they were going to execution, as they did to our Saviour. But the scope of the place is to show that wine is a cordial, and therefore to be used for want and not for wantonness, by those only that need cordials, as Timothy, who is advised to drink a little wine, only for his stomach’s sake and his often infirmities, 1 Tim. 5:23.

• 2. He must do good with his power, his knowledge, and interest, must administer justice with care, courage, and compassion, v. 8, 9.

• (1.) He must himself take cognizance of the causes his subjects have depending in his courts, and inspect what his judges and officers do, that he may support those that do their duty, and lay those aside that neglect it or are partial.

• (2.) He must, in all matters that come before him, judge righteously, and, without fear of the face of man, boldly pass sentence according to equity: Open thy mouth, which denotes the liberty of speech that princes and judges ought to use in passing sentence. Some observe that only wise men open their mouths, for fools have their mouths always open, are full of words.

• (3.) He must especially look upon himself as obliged to be the patron of oppressed innocency. The inferior magistrates perhaps had not zeal and tenderness enough to plead the cause of the poor and needy; therefore the king himself must interpose, and appear as an advocate,

• [1.] For those that were unjustly charged with capital crimes, as Naboth was, that were appointed to destruction, to gratify the malice either of a particular person or of a party. It is a case which it well befits a king to appear in, for the preserving of innocent blood.

• [2.] For those that had actions unjustly brought against them, to defraud them of their right, because they were poor and needy, and unable to defend it, not having wherewithal to fee counsel; in such a case also kings must be advocates for the poor. Especially,

• [3.] For those that were dumb, and knew not how to speak for themselves, either through weakness or fear, or being over-talked by the prosecutor or over-awed by the court. It is generous to speak for those that cannot speak for themselves, that are absent, or have not words at command, or are timorous. Our law appoints the judge to be of counsel for the prisoner.

Pro 31:10-31

This description of the virtuous woman is designed to show what wives the women should make and what wives the men should choose; it consists of twenty-two verses, each beginning with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet in order, as some of the Psalms, which makes some think it was no part of the lesson which Lemuel’s mother taught him, but a poem by itself, written by some other hand, and perhaps had been commonly repeated among the pious Jews, for the ease of which it was made alphabetical. We have the abridgment of it in the New Testament (1 Tim. 2:9-10, 1 Pt. 3:1-6), where the duty prescribed to wives agrees with this description of a good wife; and with good reason is so much stress laid upon it, since it contributes as much as any one thing to the keeping up of religion in families, and the entail of it upon posterity, that the mothers be wise and good; and of what consequence it is to the wealth and outward prosperity of a house every one is sensible. He that will thrive must ask his wife leave. Here is,

• I. A general enquiry after such a one (v. 10), where observe,

• 1. The person enquired after, and that is a virtuous woman-a woman of strength (so the word is), though the weaker vessel, yet made strong by wisdom and grace, and the fear of God: it is the same word that is used in the character of good judges (Ex. 18:21), that they are able men, men qualified for the business to which they are called, men of truth, fearing God. So it follows, A virtuous woman is a woman of spirit, who has the command of her own spirit and knows how to manage other people’s, one that is pious and industrious, and a help meet for a man. In opposition to this strength, we read of the weakness of the heart of an imperious whorish woman, Eze. 16:30. A virtuous woman is a woman of resolution, who, having espoused good principles, is firm and steady to them, and will not be frightened with winds and clouds from any part of her duty.

• 2. The difficulty of meeting with such a one: Who can find her? This intimates that good women are very scarce, and many that seem to be so do not prove so; he that thought he had found a virtuous woman was deceived; Behold, it was Leah, and not the Rachel he expected. But he that designs to marry ought to seek diligently for such a one, to have this principally in his eye, in all his enquiries, and to take heed that he be not biassed by beauty or gaiety, wealth or parentage, dressing well or dancing well; for all these may be and yet the woman not be virtuous, and there is many a woman truly virtuous who yet is not recommended by these advantages.

• 3. The unspeakable worth of such a one, and the value which he that has such a wife ought to put upon her, showing it by his thankfulness to God and his kindness and respect to her, whom he must never think he can do too much for. Her price is far above rubies, and all the rich ornaments with which vain women adorn themselves. The more rare such good wives are the more they are to be valued.

• II. A particular description of her and of her excellent qualifications.

• 1. She is very industrious to recommend herself to her husband’s esteem and affection. Those that are good really will be good relatively. A good woman, if she be brought into the marriage state, will be a good wife, and make it her business to please her husband, 1 Co. 7:34. Though she is a woman of spirit herself, yet her desire is to her husband, to know his mind, that she may accommodate herself to it, and she is willing that he should rule over her.

• (1.) She conducts herself so that he may repose an entire confidence in her. He trusts in her chastity, which she never gave him the least occasion to suspect or to entertain any jealousy of; she is not morose and reserved, but modest and grave, and has all the marks of virtue in her countenance and behaviour; her husband knows it, and therefore his heart doth safely trust in her; he is easy, and makes her so. He trusts in her conduct, that she will speak in all companies, and act in all affairs, with prudence and discretion, so as not to occasion him either damage or reproach. He trusts in her fidelity to his interests, and that she will never betray his counsels nor have any interest separate from that of his family. When he goes abroad, to attend the concerns of the public, he can confide in her to order all his affairs at home, as well as if he himself were there. She is a good wife that is fit to be trusted, and he is a good husband that will leave it to such a wife to manage for him.

• (2.) She contributes so much to his content and satisfaction that he shall have no need of spoil; he needs not be griping and scraping abroad, as those must be whose wives are proud and wasteful at home. She manages his affairs so that he is always before-hand, has such plenty of his own that he is in no temptation to prey upon his neighbours. He thinks himself so happy in her that he envies not those who have most of the wealth of this world; he needs it not, he has enough, having such a wife. Happy the couple that have such a satisfaction as this in each other!

• (3.) She makes it her constant business to do him good, and is afraid of doing any thing, even through inadvertency, that may turn to his prejudice, v. 12. She shows her love to him, not by a foolish fondness, but by prudent endearments, accommodating herself to his temper, and not crossing him, giving him good words, and not bad ones, no, not when he is out of humour, studying to make him easy, to provide what is fit for him both in health and sickness, and attending him with diligence and tenderness when any thing ails him; nor would she, no, not for the world, wilfully do any thing that might be a damage to his person, family, estate, or reputation. And this is her care all the days of her life; not at first only, or now and then, when she is in a good humour, but perpetually; and she is not weary of the good offices she does him: She does him good, not only all the days of his life, but of her own too; if she survive him, still she is doing him good in her care of his children, his estate, and good name, and all the concerns he left behind him. We read of kindness shown, not only to the living, but to the dead, Ruth 2:20.

• (4.) She adds to his reputation in the world (v. 23): Her husband is known in the gates, known to have a good wife. By his wise counsels, and prudent management of affairs, it appears that he has a discreet companion in his bosom, by conversation with whom he improves himself. By his cheerful countenance and pleasant humour it appears that he has an agreeable wife at home; for many that have not have their tempers strangely soured by it. Nay, by his appearing clean and neat in his dress, every thing about him decent and handsome, yet not gaudy, one may know he has a good wife at home, that takes care of his clothes.

• 2. She is one that takes pains in the duty of her place and takes pleasure in it. This part of her character is much enlarged upon here.

• (1.) She hates to sit still and do nothing: She eats not the bread of idleness, v. 27. Though she needs not work for her bread (she has an estate to live upon), yet she will not eat it in idleness, because she knows that we were none of us sent into this world to be idle, that when we have nothing to do the devil will soon find us something to do, and that it is not fit that those who will not labour should eat. Some eat and drink because they can find themselves nothing else to do, and needless visits must be received with fashionable entertainments; these are eating the bread of idleness, which she has no relish for, for she neither gives nor receives idle visits nor idle talk.

• (2.) She is careful to fill up time, that none of that be lost. When day-light is done, she does not then think it time to lay by her work, as those are forced to do whose business lies abroad in the fields (Ps. 104:23), but her business lying within-doors, and her work worth candle-light, with that she lengthens out the day; and her candle goes not out by night, v. 18. It is a mercy to have candle-light to supply the want of day-light, and a duty, having that advantage, to improve it. We say of an elaborate piece, It smells of the lamp.

• (3.) She rises early, while it is yet night (v. 15), to give her servants their breakfast, that they may be ready to go cheerfully about their work as soon as the day breaks. She is none of those who sit up playing at cards, or dancing, till midnight, till morning, and then lie in bed till noon. No; the virtuous woman loves her business better than her ease or her pleasure, is in care to be found in the way of her duty every hour of the day, and has more true satisfaction in having given meat to her household betimes in the morning than those can have in the money they have won, much more in what they have lost, who sat up all night at play. Those that have a family to take care of should not love their bed too well in a morning.

• (4.) She applies herself to the business that is proper for her. It is not in a scholar’s business, or statesman’s business, or husbandman’s business, that she employs herself, but in women’s business: She seeks wool and flax, where she may have the best of each at the best hand, and cheapest; she has a stock of both by her, and every thing that is necessary to the carrying on both of the woollen and the linen manufacture (v. 13), and with this she does not only set the poor on work, which is a very good office, but does herself work, and work willingly, with her hands; she works with the counsel or delight of her hands (so the word is); she goes about it cheerfully and dexterously, lays not only her hand, but her mind to it, and goes on in it without weariness in well-doing. She lays her own hands to the spindle, or spinning-wheel, and her hands hold the distaff (v. 19), and she does not reckon it either an abridgment of her liberty or a disparagement to her dignity, or at all inconsistent with her repose. The spindle and the distaff are here mentioned as her honour, while the ornaments of the daughters of Zion are reckoned up to their reproach, Isa. 3:18, etc.

• (5.) She does what she does with all her might, and does not trifle in it (v. 17); She girds her loins with strength and strengthens her arms; she does not employ herself in sitting work only, or in that which is only the nice performance of the fingers (there are works that are scarcely one remove from doing nothing); but, if there be occasion, she will go through with work that requires all the strength she has, which she will use as one that knows it is the way to have more.

• 3. She is one that makes what she does to turn to a good account, by her prudent management of it. She does not toil all night and catch nothing; no, she herself perceives that her merchandise is good (v. 18); she is sensible that in all her labour there is profit, and that encourages her to go on in it. She perceives that she can make things herself better and cheaper than she can buy them; she finds by observation what branch of her employment brings in the best returns, and to that she applies herself most closely.

• (1.) She brings in provisions of all things necessary and convenient for her family, v. 14. No merchants’ ships, no, not Solomon’s navy, ever made a more advantageous return than her employments do. Do they bring in foreign commodities with the effects they export? So does she with the fruit of her labours. What her own ground does not produce she can furnish herself with, if she have occasion for it, by exchanging her own goods for it; and so she brings her food from afar. Not that she values things the more for their being far-fetched, but, if they be ever so far off, if she must have them she knows how to come by them.

• (2.) She purchases lands, and enlarges the demesne of the family (v. 16): She considers a field, and buys it. She considers what an advantage it will be to the family and what a good account it will turn to, and therefore she buys it; or, rather, though she have ever so much mind to it she will not buy it till she has first considered it, whether it be worth her money, whether she can afford to take so much money out of her stock as must go to purchase it, whether the title be good, whether the ground will answer the character given of it, and whether she has money at command to pay for it. Many have undone themselves by buying without considering; but those who would make advantageous purchases must consider, and then buy. She also plants a vineyard, but it is with the fruit of her hands; she does not take up money, or run into debt, to do it, but she does it with what she can spare out of the gains of her own housewifery. Men should not lay out any thing upon superfluities, till, by the blessing of God upon their industry, they have got before-hand, and can afford it; and then the fruit of the vineyard is likely to be doubly sweet, when it is the fruit of honest industry.

• (3.) She furnishes her house well and has good clothing for herself and her family (v. 22): She makes herself coverings of tapestry to hang her rooms, and she may be allowed to use them when they are of her own making. Her own clothing is rich and fine: it is silk and purple, according to her place and rank. Though she is not so vain as to spend much time in dressing herself, nor makes the putting on of apparel her adorning, nor values herself upon it, yet she has rich clothes and puts them on well. The senator’s robes which her husband wears are of her own spinning, and they look better and wear better than any that are bought. She also gets good warm clothing for her children, and her servants’ liveries. She needs not fear the cold of the most pinching winter, for she and her family are well provided with clothes, sufficient to keep out cold, which is the end chiefly to be aimed at in clothing: All her household are clothed in scarlet, strong cloth and fit for winter, and yet rich and making a good appearance. They are all double clothed (so some read it), have change of raiment, a winter suit and a summer suit.

• (4.) She trades abroad. She makes more than she and her household have occasion for; and therefore, when she has sufficiently stocked her family, she sells fine linen and girdles to the merchants (v. 24), who carry them to Tyre, the mart of the nations, or some other trading city. Those families are likely to thrive that sell more than they buy; as it is well with the kingdom when abundance of its home manufactures are exported. It is no disgrace to those of the best quality to sell what they can spare, nor to deal in trade and send ventures by sea.

• (5.) She lays up for hereafter: She shall rejoice in time to come, having laid in a good stock for her family, and having good portions for her children. Those that take pains when they are in their prime will have the pleasure and joy of it when they are old, both in reflecting upon it and in reaping the benefit of it.

• 4. She takes care of her family and all the affairs of it, gives meat to her household (v. 15), to every one his portion of meat in due season, so that none of her servants have reason to complain of being kept short or faring hard. She gives also a portion (an allotment of work, as well as meat) to her maidens; they shall all of them know their business and have their task. She looks well to the ways of her household (v. 27); she inspects the manners of all her servants, that she may check what is amiss among them, and oblige them all to behave properly and do their duty to God and one another, as well as to her; as Job, who put away iniquity far from his tabernacle, and David, who would suffer no wicked thing in his house. She does not intermeddle in the concerns of other people’s houses; she thinks it enough for her to look well to her own.

• 5. She is charitable to the poor, v. 20. She is as intent upon giving as she is upon getting; she often serves the poor with her own hand, and she does if freely, cheerfully, and very liberally, with an out-stretched hand. Nor does she relieve her poor neighbours only, and those that are nigh at hand, but she reaches forth her hands to the needy that are at a distance, seeking opportunities to do good and to communicate, which is as good housewifery as any thing she does.

• 6. She is discreet and obliging in all her discourse, not talkative, censorious, nor peevish, as some are, that know how to take pains; no, she opens her mouth with wisdom; when she does speak, it is with a great deal of prudence and very much to the purpose; you may perceive by every word she says how much she governs herself by the rules of wisdom. She not only takes prudent measures herself, but gives prudent advice to others; and this not as assuming the authority of a dictator, but with the affection of a friend and an obliging air: In her tongue is the law of kindness; all she says is under the government of that law. The law of love and kindness is written in the heart, but it shows itself in the tongue; if we are kindly affectioned one to another, it will appear by affectionate expression. It is called a law of kindness, because it gives law to others, to all she converses with. Her wisdom and kindness together put a commanding power into all she says; they command respect, they command compliance. How forcible are right words! In her tongue is the law of grace, or mercy (so some read it), understanding it of the word and law of God, which she delights to talk of among her children and servants. She is full of pious religious discourse, and manages it prudently, which shows how full her heart is of another world even when her hands are most busy about this world.

• 7. That which completes and crowns her character is that she fears the Lord, v. 30. With all those good qualities she lacks not that one thing needful; she is truly pious, and, in all she does, is guided and governed by principles of conscience and a regard to God; this is that which is here preferred far before beauty; that is vain and deceitful; all that are wise and good account it so, and value neither themselves nor others on it. Beauty recommends none to God, nor is it any certain indication of wisdom and goodness, but it has deceived many a man who has made his choice of a wife by it. There may be an impure deformed soul lodged in a comely and beautiful body; nay, many have been exposed by their beauty to such temptations as have been the ruin of their virtue, their honour, and their precious souls. It is a fading thing at the best, and therefore vain and deceitful. A fit of sickness will stain and sully it in a little time; a thousand accidents may blast this flower in its prime; old age will certainly wither it and death and the grave consume it. But the fear of God reigning in the heart is the beauty of the soul; it recommends those that have it to the favour of God, and is, in his sight, of great price; it will last for ever, and bid defiance to death itself, which consumes the beauty of the body, but consummates the beauty of the soul.

• III. The happiness of this virtuous woman.

• 1. She has the comfort and satisfaction of her virtue in her own mind (v. 25): Strength and honour are her clothing, in which she wraps herself, that is, enjoys herself, and in which she appears to the world, and so recommends herself. She enjoys a firmness and constancy of mind, has spirit to bear up under the many crosses and disappointments which even the wise and virtuous must expect to meet with in this world; and this is her clothing, for defence as well as decency. She deals honourably with all, and she has the pleasure of doing so, and shall rejoice in time to come; she shall reflect upon it with comfort, when she comes to be old, that she was not idle or useless when she was young. In the day of death it will be a pleasure to her to think that she has lived to some good purpose. Nay, she shall rejoice in an eternity to come; she shall be recompensed for her goodness with fulness of joy and pleasures for evermore.

• 2. She is a great blessing to her relations, v. 28.

• (1.) Her children grow up in her place, and they call her blessed. They give her their good word, they are themselves a commendation to her, and they are ready to give great commendations of her; they pray for her, and bless God that they had such a good mother. It is a debt which they owe her, a part of that honour which the fifth commandment requires to be paid to father and mother; and it is a double honour that is due to a good father and a good mother.

• (2.) Her husband thinks himself so happy in her that he takes all occasions to speak well of her, as one of the best of women. It is no indecency at all, but a laudable instance of conjugal love, for husbands and wives to give one another their due praises.

• 3. She gets the good word of all her neighbours, as Ruth did, whom all the city of her people knew to be a virtuous woman, Ruth 3:11. Virtue will have its praise, Phil. 4:8. A woman that fears the Lord, shall have praise of God (Rom. 2:29) and of men too. It is here shown,

• (1.) That she shall be highly praised (v. 29): Many have done virtuously. Virtuous women, it seems, are precious jewels, but not such rare jewels as was represented v. 10. There have been many, but such a one as this cannot be paralleled. Who can find her equal? She excels them all. Note, Those that are good should aim and covet to excel in virtue. Many daughters, in their father’s house, and in the single state, have done virtuously, but a good wife, if she be virtuous, excels them all, and does more good in her place than they can do in theirs. Or, as some explain it, A man cannot have his house so well kept by good daughters, as by a good wife.

• (2.) That she shall be incontestably praised, without contradiction, v. 31. Some are praised above what is their due, but those that praise her do but give her of the fruit of her hands; they give her that which she has dearly earned and which is justly due to her; she is wronged if she have it not. Note, Those ought to be praised the fruit of whose hands is praise-worthy. The tree is known by its fruits, and therefore, if the fruit be good, the tree must have our good word. If her children be dutiful and respectful to her, and conduct themselves as they ought, they then give her the fruit of her hands; she reaps the benefit of all the care she has taken of them, and thinks herself well paid. Children must thus study to requite their parents, and this is showing piety at home, 1 Tim. 5:4. But, if men be unjust, the thing will speak itself, her own works will praise her in the gates, openly before all the people.

• [1.] She leaves it to her own works to praise her, and does not court the applause of men. Those are none of the truly virtuous women that love to hear themselves commended.

• [2.] Her own works will praise her; if her relations and neighbours altogether hold their peace, her good works will proclaim her praise. The widows gave the best encomium of Dorcas when they showed the coats and garments she had made for the poor, Acts 9:39.

• [3.] The least that can be expected from her neighbours is that they should let her own works praise her, and do nothing to hinder them. Those that do that which is good, let them have praise of the same (Rom. 13:3) and let us not enviously say, or do, any thing to the diminishing of it, but be provoked by it to a holy emulation. Let none have an ill report from us, that have a good report even of the truth itself. Thus is shut up this looking-glass for ladies, which they are desired to open and dress themselves by; and, if they do so, their adorning will be found to praise, and honour, and glory, at the appearing of Jesus Christ.

Twenty chapters of the book of Proverbs (beginning with ch. 10 and ending with ch. 29), consisting mostly of entire sentences in each verse, could not well be reduced to proper heads, and the contents of them gathered; I have therefore here put the contents of all these chapters together, which perhaps may be of some use to those who desire to see at once all that is said of any one head in these chapters. Some of the verses, perhaps, I have not put under the same heads that another would have put them under, but the most of them fall (I hope) naturally enough to the places I have assigned them.

• 1. Of the comfort, or grief, parents have in their children, according as they are wise or foolish, godly or ungodly, ch. 10:1; 15:20; 17:21, 25; 19:13, 26; 23:15, 16, 24, 25; 27:11; 29:3

• 2. Of the world’s insufficiency, and religion’s sufficiency, to make us happy (ch. 10:2, 3; 11:4) and the preference to be therefore given to the gains of virtue above those of this world, ch. 15:16, 17; 16:8, 16; 17:1; 19:1; 28:6, 11

• 3. Of slothfulness and diligence, ch. 10:4, 26; 12:11, 24, 27; 13:4, 23; 15:19; 16:26; 18:9; 19:15, 24; 20:4, 13; 21:5, 25, 26; 22:13, 29; 24:30-34; 26:13-16; 27:18, 23, 27; 28:19. Particularly the improving or neglecting opportunities, ch. 6:6; 10:5

• 4. The happiness of the righteous, and the misery of the wicked, ch. 10:6, 9, 16, 24, 25, 27-30; 11:3, 5-8, 18-21, 31; 12:2, 3, 7, 13, 14, 21, 26, 28; 13:6, 9, 14, 15, 21, 22, 25; 14:11, 14, 19, 32; 15:6, 8, 9, 24, 26, 29; 20:7; 21:12, 15, 16, 18, 21; 22:12; 28:10, 18; 29:6

• 5. Of honour and dishonour, ch. 10:7; 12:8, 9; 18:3; 26:1; 27:21. And of vain-glory, ch. 25:14, 27; 27:2

• 6. The wisdom of obedience, and folly of disobedience, ch. 10:8, 17; 12:1, 15; 13:1, 13, 18; 15:5, 10, 12, 31, 32;19:16; 28:4, 7, 9

• 7. Of mischievousness and usefulness, ch. 10:10, 23; 11:9-11, 23, 27; 12:5, 6, 12, 18, 20; 13:2; 14:22; 16:29, 30; 17:11; 21:10; 24:8; 26:23, 27

• 8. The praise of wise and good discourse, and the hurt and shame of an ungoverned tongue, ch. 10:11, 13, 14, 20, 21, 31, 32; 11:30; 14:3; 15:2, 4, 7, 23, 28; 16:20, 23, 24;17:7; 18:4, 7, 20, 21; 20:15; 21:23; 23:9; 24:26; 25:11

• 9. Of love and hatred, peaceableness and contention, ch. 10:12; 15:17; 17:1, 9, 14, 19; 18:6, 17-19; 20:3; 25:8; 26:17, 21; 29:9

• 10. Of the rich and poor, ch. 10:15, 22; 11:28; 13:7, 8; 14:20, 24; 18:11, 23; 19:1, 4, 7, 22; 22:2, 7; 28:6, 11; 29:13

• 11. Of lying, fraud, and dissimulation, and of truth and sincerity, ch. 10:18; 12:17, 19, 22; 13:5; 17:4; 20:14, 17; 26:18, 19, 24-26, 28

• 12. Of slandering, ch. 10:18; 16:27; 25:23

• 13. Of talkativeness and silence, ch. 10:19; 11:12; 12:23; 13:3; 17:27, 28; 29:11, 20

• 14. Of justice and injustice, ch. 11:1; 13:16; 16:8, 11; 17:15, 26; 18:5; 20:10, 23; 22:28; 23:10, 11; 29:24

• 15. Of pride and humility, ch. 11:2; 13:10; 15:25, 33; 16:5, 18, 19; 18:12; 21:4; 25:6, 7; 28:25; 29:23

• 16. Of despising and respecting others, ch. 11:12; 14:21

• 17. Of tale-bearing, ch. 11:13; 16:28; 18:8; 20:19; 26:20, 22

• 18. Of rashness and deliberation, ch. 11:14; 15:22; 18:13; 19:2; 20:5, 18; 21:29; 22:3; 25:8-10

• 19. Of suretiship, ch. 11:15; 17:18; 20:16; 22:26, 27; 27:13

• 20. Of good and bad women, or wives, ch. 11:16, 22; 12:4; 14:1; 18:22; 19:13, 14; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15, 16

• 21. Of mercifulness and unmercifulness, ch. 11:17; 12:10; 14:21; 19:17; 21:13

• 22. Of charity to the poor, and uncharitableness, ch. 11:24-26; 14:31; 17:5; 22:9, 16, 22, 23; 28:27; 29:7

• 23. Of covetousness and contentment, ch. 11:29; 15:16, 17, 27; 23:4, 5

• 24. Of anger and meekness, ch. 12:16; 14:17, 29; 15:1, 18; 16:32; 17:12, 26; 19:11, 19; 22:24, 25; 25:15, 28; 26:21; 29:22

• 25. Of melancholy and cheerfulness, ch. 12:25; 14:10, 13; 15:13, 15; 17:22; 18:14; 25:20, 25

• 26. Of hope and expectation, ch. 13:12, 19;

• 27. Of prudence and foolishness, ch. 13:16; 14:8, 18, 33; 15:14, 21; 16:21, 22; 17:24; 18:2, 15; 24:3-7; 7:27; 26:6-11; 28:5

• 28. Of treachery and fidelity, ch. 13:17; 25:13, 19

• 29. Of good and bad company, ch. 13:20; 14:7; 28:7; 29:3

• 30. Of the education of children, ch. 13:24; 19:18; 20:11; 22:6, 15; 23:12; 14:14; 29:15, 17

• 31. Of the fear of the Lord, ch. 14:2, 26, 27; 15:16, 33; 16:6; 19:23; 22:4; 23:17, 18

• 32. Of true and false witness-bearing, ch. 14:5, 25; 19:5, 9, 28; 21:28; 24:28; 25:18

• 33. Of scorners, ch. 14:6, 9; 21:24; 22:10; 24:9; 29:8

• 34. Of credulity and caution, ch. 14:15, 16; 27:12

• 35. Of kings and their subjects, ch. 14:28, 34, 35; 16:10, 12-15; 19:6, 12; 20:2, 8, 26, 28; 22:11; 24:23-25; 30:2-5; 28:2, 3, 15, 16; 29:4, 12, 14, 26

• 36. Of envy, especially envying sinners, ch. 14:30; 23:17, 18; 24:1, 2, 19, 20; 27:4

• 37. Of God’s omniscience, and his universal providence, ch. 15:3, 11; 16:1, 4, 9, 33; 17:3; 19:21; 20:12, 24; 21:1, 30, 31; 29:26

• 38. Of a good and ill name, ch. 15:30; 22:1

• 39. Of men’s good opinion of themselves, ch. 14:12; 16:2, 25; 20:6; 21:2; 26:12; 28:26

• 40. Of devotion towards God, and dependence on him, ch. 16:3; 18:10; 23:26; 27:1; 28:25; 29:25

• 41. Of the happiness of God’s favour, ch. 16:7; 29:26

• 42. Excitements to get wisdom, ch. 16:16; 18:1; 19:8, 20; 22:17-21; 23:15, 16, 22-25; 24:13, 14; 27:11

• 43. Cautions against temptations, ch. 16:17; 29:27

• 44. Of old age and youth, ch. 16:31; 17:6; 20:29

• 45. Of servants, ch. 17:2; 19:10; 29:19, 21

• 46. Of bribery, ch. 17:8, 23; 18:16; 21:14; 28:21

• 47. Of reproof and correction, ch. 17:10; 19:25, 29; 20:30; 21:11; 25:12; 26:3; 27:5, 6, 22; 28:23; 29:1

• 48. Of ingratitude, ch. 17:13

• 49. Of friendship, ch. 17:17; 18:24; 27:9, 10, 14, 17

• 50. Of sensual pleasures, ch. 21:17; 23:1-3, 6-8, 19-21; 27:7

• 51. Of drunkenness, ch. 20:1; 23:23, 29-35

• 52. Of the universal corruption of nature, ch. 20:9

• 53. Of flattery, ch. 20:19; 26:28; 28:23; 29:5

• 54. Of undutiful children, ch. 20:20; 28:24

• 55. Of the short continuance of what is ill-gotten, ch. 20:21; 21:6, 7; 22:8; 28:8

• 56. Of revenge, ch. 20:22; 24:17, 18, 29

• 57. Of sacrilege, ch. 20:25

• 58. Of conscience, ch. 20:27; 27:19

• 59. Of the preference of moral duties before ceremonial, ch. 15:8; 21:3, 27

• 60. Of prodigality and wastefulness, ch. 21:20

• 61. The triumphs of wisdom and godliness, ch. 21:22; 24:15, 16

• 62. Of frowardness and tractableness, ch. 22:5

• 63. Of uncleanness, ch. 22:14; 23:27, 28

• 64. Of fainting in affliction, ch. 24:10

• 65. Of helping the distressed, ch. 14:11, 12;

• 66. Of loyalty to the government, ch. 24:21, 22;

• 67. Of forgiving enemies, ch. 25:21, 22

• 68. Of causeless curse, ch. 26:2

• 69. Of answering fools, ch. 26:4, 5;

• 70. Of unsettledness and unsatisfiedness, ch. 27:8, 20;

• 71. Of cowardliness and courage, ch. 28:1

• 72. The people’s interest in the character of their rulers, ch. 28:12, 28; 29:2, 16; 11:10, 11

• 73. The benefit of repentance and holy fear, ch. 28:13, 14;

• 74. The punishment of murder, ch. 28:17

• 75. Of hastening to be rich, ch. 28:20, 22;

• 76. The enmity of the wicked against the godly, ch. 29:10, 27;

• 77. The necessity of the means of grace, ch. 29:18

Author: J. Palmer

Living under the wings of God and the angels around me keeping me going and safe. Sharing the love of Christ.

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